Have you ever heard of The Rules? It’s a book compiling a guide to “finding Mr. Right,” and if you think that’s hilarious then you’re definitely on my side. Relationships are tricky, but do we really need a book telling us exactly how to act? Still, judging a book by its cover, I opened it up and started reading. Twelve pages in, I sensed a huge flashback: “In a relationship the man must take charge.” Call me a feminist, because I am, but these so-called rules are so backwards it’s painful. In this day and age it’s ridiculous to think that a man has to be in control all the time. Where would the world be without powerful women taking charge for themselves?
Do you think Beyoncé gives all the power to Jay-Z? I think not.
A Rules girl is not to offer to pay, not to speak unless spoken to, and to basically avoid phone calls, and lie to anyone who asks about The Rules. You also have to be “a creature unlike any other,” but you can’t give too much of yourself away. Don’t even think about flirting and showing off your sparkling personality—he has to work for everything.
According to The Rules: “Put lipstick on even when you’re jogging” (21). This is, of course, because you constantly have to impress a man, which is unnecessary. While you have to be impressive, it is all about him doing everything. He is the one to approach you, ask you out, and make the plans. He’s even the one who has to keep conversation going. If you do anything, you will lose the mystery and he’ll get bored. It’s all a game and you are the challenge that men are seeking.
It is still nice for a guy to do a little extra work.
These ideas just don’t work in the 21st century. Men and women are equal. It is perfectly okay for women to be in charge, and it is definitely okay for a woman to go up to a man and start conversation. I, personally, lost any chance I had with a certain man because I was never the one to initiate conversation. He told me it felt like I wasn’t interested, so he moved on. But, according to The Rules, starting conversation will take away a man’s power and he will never actually love you. I just don’t see how placing everything in the man’s hands is helpful for anyone. Relationships involve two people, so putting all the pressure of conversation and dates (and everything else) all on one person completely throws off any sense of balance—something that The Rules is seriously lacking.
Besides a decent amount of good advice, like: don’t stalk the guy you’re interested in, have a life of your own, and don’t make him a center of your life, there is also some really harmful advice. The focus that they place on body image is worrisome: “If you have a bad nose, get a nose job” (21), “overweight is not The Rules” (131), and other instances where weight or style choice is brought up. Many women today have to deal with a lot of stress about how they look, and for a book to promote harmful self-image rules, directed towards women, is dangerous. It should be about accepting who you are and finding a man who loves you for that—not about changing everything about yourself and hoping the dropped pounds will magically draw men to you. The best relationship advice is to love yourself before someone else can love you, but once again The Rules doesn’t see that.
By far the best relationship advice. Love yourselves, ladies! And men will be all over that self-confidence!
If you’re looking to find help for relationships, don’t go to The Rules. Trust yourself, love yourself. Don’t over-think—sometimes it’s best to just see where it all goes. Life isn’t solely about being in a romantic relationship; it’s also about friends and family and developing yourself. So even around Valentine’s Day and other couple-specific times, don’t get discouraged. Grab a good friend and go see a Rom-Com and laugh about stupid dating advice. You’re too awesome to handle anyway!
Jen Orlando, Manhattan College. Check out my blog! Follow me on twitter!
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Being a full time student and working a part time job takes up a lot of time during the week. Adding in the essentials of eating and sleeping and other bare necessities, like time to de-stress and spend with friends and a boyfriend, eats up any time left behind. To compensate for the hectic schedule, I’ve become a master of multitasking, and even with that, I tend to sacrifice sleep to have time for everything else—after all, you can always make up sleep during a holiday! However, having such a tight schedule leaves little time for romance, and having a boyfriend whose schedule is just as busy as mine makes it near impossible.
On an average day, I have classes and work from 9:00 am until 7:00 pm. My boyfriend works seven days a week as a personal coach and often works from 6:00 am until 9:00 pm with sporadic breaks in between. Also, both of us have tight budgets which makes doing some things out of our price range. However, in spite of our messy schedules, we manage to see each other often.
The key to our success is—ironically—not planning. We both have schedules that are never fixed, and trying to plan around times that are subject to change at any moment makes planning a futile and usually disappointing effort. We don’t set up strict times when we should meet and instead look for any moment we both happen to be free and take advantage of it. This usually results in short meeting at cafes, running into each other to quickly say hello, and often meeting up late at night for a quick dinner before we both head home to pass out.
While we see each other regularly, our time together is all too brief and we have fallen into a rut of doing the same things which tends to dampen any surprise and romance in the relationship. At first, never planning times to meet up did help somewhat since it prevented our relationship from becoming another obligation to add to our seemingly never-ending list of things to be done. But it didn’t help break us out of our “greet-and-eat” rut which we eventually stumbled into. We tried just varying where we went to eat to add a new flair to our old system, but it quickly became just as routine to wander looking for a new place as it was to eat at a place we had been to before. It seemed like the rut would be impossible to escape unless both of us deliberately took off work, and even then it would be a temporary fix to a continuing problem.
A new solution revealed itself in the form of a friend’s own relationship problems. The two of us were were talking over coffee, and she began telling me how she felt her boyfriend wasn’t willing to contribute as much to the relationship as she was. She told me how she often went out of her way to do things with him that he liked though he often didn’t return the favor unless it was something he also enjoyed doing.
At first the situation seemed nothing like the issues my boyfriend and I were having: both of us were willing to do things the other enjoys—we just didn’t have time. I suggested that she try making him do little things that he might not enjoy and work her way up to bigger things so that he might find some enjoyment in it by the end. I suggested looking at the Campus Clipper to find coupons for things she might like to do on her college budget, and, while discussing this option, I noticed a coupon for I coffee shop I hadn’t been to. After I went home, I realized that I had found a solution to my own relationship problems.
The next time I met with my boyfriend, I suggested we pick a book we would both like to read and meet up to talk about it at the new coffee shop since we both enjoyed reading. From there, we tried cooking dinner together rather than going out to eat like we usually did, and then we began including other little things along the way to vary up our usual schedules, realizing that little changes made a big difference.
Not only have these little suggestions that we started coming up with made our time together more exciting, it has introduced a little more passion since both of us are always thinking of small romantic things to mix in. It has given a breath of fresh air to our relationship, and found us the time for romance despite our busy lives. If you run into a rut with your own relationships, try changing up the things you do and be sure to look at the Campus Clipper for ideas and deals!
A new year is upon us and with that brings the fresh start that so many of us desperately yearn for. We forget about what happened the year before and focus on the future and what we can do to ensure ours is the best that it can possibly be. As we start to think of exactly HOW this is going to be done, we usually end with a huge list of things and run for the hills due solely to its overwhelming nature.
We all strive for self-improvement (or at least I would like to think so) and we know that it’s way more than just jotting down whatever you can find wrong with you on a piece of paper, it takes a lot of commitment. Knowing yourself and your limitations is also very important.
I’ve always took a “one goal a year” approach when it comes to things like this. I think it’s important to know where you want to improve as a person and just focus on that. I know life will happen regardless but it’s more a matter of not stretching yourself too thin.
One thing I would love to focus on in 2013 is just letting people know that I care for them more and doing my best to be more emotionally available. I know, I know…that’s two things but I feel like they’re related in a sense. I’ve also learned that this is something I needed to work on based on the supreme workaholism I developed earlier in the year and in turned shunned out my friends and everyone who I care about.
Don’t worry, my family and friends understand that I’m busy, that’s not really the point. This is something that I’m doing for the betterment of ME that will in turn strengthen already existing friendships and relationship and helps create strong new ones.
So, that’s my goal, what’s yours? Whatever it may be let’s approach them with the most resolute of attitudes.
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It’s no secret that today is Election Day; it’s all that people can really talk about. I even got yelled at this morning for telling someone “I’ll vote after I get out of work.” One thing’s for sure: politics needed much more attention and it has definitely gotten just that…although the intentions of some citizens can come into question.
Let’s go back to the guy yelling at me. He went on to say, “If Romney gets elected he’s gonna cut welfare — I need my welfare.” Really…really sir!? Do you even care about the issues or is your brain only big enough to focus on one? My point is (and this might sound a bit exaggerated) that about 60 percent of Americans don’t even know the issues and are voting based on race or religion or some other non-factor that really shouldn’t matter when you’re voting. I couldn’t help but feel like 2008 was a “black vs. white” election and this year seems like a lot of the same thing.
Now, I’m not saying that we are all uneducated voters, but with proof like this you have to wonder what people are really voting for.
Yea…I know, right?
Now there are three options this Election Day (there are really more than three but for argument purposes I’ll keep it limited). There’s Obama, Romney, or not voting at all. Obama and Romney supporters are strong, but no one is stronger than those refusing to submit a ballot. Now, you may be thinking “How is that so? It just seems like arrogance and lack of confidence in one’s opinion.” To counter that, I ask you, Is it really? If you ask me, it takes an EXTREME amount of confidence.
The Electoral College’s votes have the most value and they’re counted after our votes for a reason. I think the fact that there was no clear cut solution (or at least something that sounded remotely like one) during three elections says a lot. I read a tweet from a Twitter follower that stated: “Red=Offense Blue=Defense OF THE SAME TEAM! #2PartyDictatorship.” As a matter of fact, here’s a meme that needs no introduction.
There’s clearly something bigger going on in this country.
Regardless of what you may take from this article, I DO believe voting is important. At least you’ll feel like you’re changing the shape of your country, and I intend to do my part. I hope that you all do the same but remember, even if you don’t vote, you’ll still have to abide by whatever the government has in store for us. If that’s the case, you might as well pick the lesser of two evils, whoever you feel that might be.
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With all kinds of new technology and social media platforms popping up every day, it seems easier than ever to stay in contact and communicate with the whole world. It doesn’t even require a lot of effort, just a portable laptop — which come in extra small packages these days – or a smart phone. So why is it that the real value of our words is going down the drain?
Even he didn't say much and he could be heard almost ANYWHERE
Part of this is our own fault for relying too much on technology. There’s less effort put into meeting up with a friend or family member for a quick lunch. Making communication easier has made us less aware of the importance of following through and actually speaking. Personal relationships have decreased in favor of the blogosphere or Facebook.
With the upcoming Presidential election, it’s important to take more pride and responsibility in our words, our communication, and listening and hearing content. That annoying little habit of saying “like” after every other word? That was OK when you were 13. Part of being a responsible adult pertains not just to our professional lives, but also to our communication. As students, you’re going to be primed as the leaders of the future; it is important to recognize this gift and own it.
Your Presidential vote is also your future, take some time out to inform yourself on what the candidates stand for. Yes, it is true that many of their speeches and debates will be ridden with white noise you should avoid, but the important thing to do is to INFORM yourself. Educating yourself on issues is a practice you’ll continue even after the election, making you highly employable. Try news feeds like cnn.com or huffingtonpost.com. If you’re in a real rush, newser is a great place to catch up on headlines with a short and readable summary.
As to the nonsense words you use to fill silences, start thinking a little more before speaking. This will cause you to have a fully formulated sentence before speaking, but if you should have a silence somewhere…it’s OK! No need to add “like,” “so,” “um,” etc. Some thoughts to keep your message in line:
Are you really saying what you want to say?
Is that person going to understand your needs and goals?
If not, could you reword it and still make the message clear?
Remember: being too wordy may lose the listener.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in preparing and physically relocating to New York City, it’s that if you can write and communicate your ideas well, your career will soar. While social media is all good and fun, it’s only effective when used properly. So go out and use your voice, your thoughts, and yes, your phone (in fact, you could download the Campus Clipper App RIGHT NOW)!
Written by: Lauren A. Ramires
If you’re interested in finding out more about my opinions and ventures with social media, social media marketing, fashion, travel and humor, follow me on Twitter, Facebook or my blog.
As young adults, we are prone to taking a “trial and error” approach to life. We know one of the many goals associated with college is the promise of a better life. We also know getting through college is a mission itself, filled with all types of twists and turns we never see coming. Here are a couple of concerns you may or may not have experienced, and some pretty good solutions to help keep your stress leveled.
Finances
Money will always be a major issue. Unless you hit the lottery or were born into royalty, you’re probably counting every penny you spend. Everything from getting to school to the afternoon snack craving can become a problem.
As college students we tend to want to blow our money on the first things we can think of. Saving is a minimal priority. HelpSaveMyDollars.com’s creator Scott Gamm developed a theory stating fifty percent of college students have 4 or more credit cards. An even more shocking statistic is that eighty percent of students fail to pay off their credit card bill.
The key is to keep an eye on your money and always track what you are spending. I’ve written an article entitled “College Savings Doesn’t Mean College Boredom” in which I talk about having fun in New York the cheapest way possible.
Social Life
Balancing school and anything else can prove to be quite complicated. Whether it’s a job or an internship, you will find you don’t have much time for anything else. Twenty three percent of full-time undergrads, who are 24 or younger, work 20 hours or more a week. With hours like that plus the 15 hours or more you plan to spend in classes and on after class activities (labs and group projects anyone?), you won’t have much time for anything else.
Although having any kind of social life can seem like an extra burden, it’s not impossible and is more than healthy for a college student. Someone paying you a visit after you come home from work is one way that comes to mind (because you know . . . you’ll be too tired to go out and all). Someone can come meet you at your job after your shift. Meeting people at school is also a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Trust me . . . you’ll be spending A LOT of time with these people, so you might as well get to know them. You might like them.
Professors
We’ve all heard it before, “I have to take Professor (place name here). He’s an easy A” or “I don’t want Professor (alchy). He’s always drunk.”
Okay . . . maybe the last one is just me, but you get the idea.
There are those out there who simply don’t care who ends up teaching them a specific course, but for many of us, there’s that one professor that just gets us. Early registration is the key to getting the professors you want, the classes you want, at the times you want to take them. Some schools even give you cash stipends for early registration, which is even more of an incentive.
Personally, I never understood math until I had this one professor. She never let me (or anyone for that matter) leave class until she was sure we understood the material. This may seem like torture but I didn’t fail a test that whole semester . . . . . So I guess it worked, at least in my case
Personal Problems
We all have lives outside of college and many times it’s hard for our personal issues to not get in the way. Students with children have to constantly worry about their kid as it will always be one of their top priorities. Students can be involved in relationships that just swallow up their time (and if this is you, you should really learn how to prioritize) among other things.
I’ve been in three different living situations ever since I started school and I’m working on a fourth and hopefully my last for a while. Going to school and not knowing if I’ll even have a home to come back to has definitely been one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life. All the “stay focused” and “keep your eyes on the prize” speeches never made any sense until I reached this period in my life.
Even though life can overwhelm you at times, it is important to know why you enrolled in this first place. It’s easy to forget why we started on this journey when all the unnecessary crap is constantly thrown in our face. Whatever the issue is, it’s important to know you have the strength, the tools and the support to get through whatever you’re going through. Also, you ARE working towards a better future and that’s more than most people can say.
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Growing up, going to “the city” (that is, New York City) meant dressing up in whatever dress I wore for Easter Sunday or Christmas Eve and going out to dinner at a Zagat-rated restaurant somewhere in Little Italy with my family. In those days, Mom and Dad paid. When I first moved to the city from Westchester four years ago, going out meant throwing on a shirt and skirt in hopes of looking somewhat decent on the line of an overhyped 18+ club that I or my roommates were “on the list” for, thanks to a Facebook group that boasted to keep us up-to-date on the hottest and cheapest NYC college-age nightlife. I quickly denied the existence of such a life.
pitfalls of fake IDs
When I turned twenty-one, I retired my once-used, two-years-expired fake ID that flaunted the image of a girl who looks absolutely nothing like me except for the fact that we are both 5’4” and have brown hair and brown eyes. At 5PM on my twenty-first birthday, I entered a heavenly paradise: Trader Joe’s Wine Shop. Knowing that I would, without a doubt, be carded there, I stood on line with two bottles of Three-Buck-Chuck and my awkward but somehow freeing sixteen-year-old smile staring at me from my driver’s license.
When it comes to going out, the city has much to offer besides Trader Joe’s Wine Shop. Bars are everywhere, nightclubs are plentiful, and parties often literally happen in the streets and under them in the subways. Having gone to Manhattan for college, I was faced with the challenge of the city in addition to traditional college distractions. Still, I believe that the ups outnumber and outweigh the downs when it comes to the typical college student’s desire to celebrate the weekend, weekday, or lack of knowing what day it is.
You can leave your apartment without a set destination. Don’t know where to go? Just go. Look for “two for one” signs. Follow crowds. Gravitate towards noise. Ask loud people you cross on the street where they just came from and hope they remember.
You meet people (whether you want to or not). Though you may unwillingly find out about a stranger’s hygiene, astrological sign, and pick-up techniques, you may also make some new friends or at least go home with an interesting story or characters for that screenplay you’ve been working on.
You don’t have to designate a driver. Subways, taxis, and sidewalks are a New Yorker’s best friends. Because few people going to college in the city have a car with them, there is no need to draw straws at the beginning of the night (though you may want to designate a pack leader to lead the way home if you’re sleepily returning at three in the morning).
Designate your shoes when you don't designate a driver. Walking in heels can be tough!
You can always find a place to eat. From cookies to dollar pizza to street meat to pretty much anything, food is always available and often cheap.
Nowhere is off-limits. Though you may have to wait a bit longer for subways to arrive the closer it gets to sunrise, every borough is at your fingertips. This also allows for you to try a new place when “the usual” just isn’t enough.
The bad news? Money doesn’t grow on trees, and, if it did, you still wouldn’t have any because you likely don’t have any trees growing on your fire escape. The city is always outside your door, always awake, and always hungry for your wallet. Plus, the fact that you may or may not already be going broke paying for a college education doesn’t help any.
However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past four years, it’s that you should always be prepared. If you plan out at least part of your night ahead of time, you don’t have to pay much for a night of fun.
Eat dinner home. Instead of going out to eat, make dinner with some friends in someone’s kitchen or have a potluck dinner. This is often cheaper and healthier, and allows you to start the weekend celebration together and then head out when everyone is accounted for.
Leave yourselves a large tip with all the money you save when you celebrate at home with friends.
Buy your own alcohol. If you are 21 and drink, look online for which liquor stores or beer distributors have the best deals on your beverage(s) of choice, and hit them up before they close. Make your own concoctions, which can be fun! And, if you do go out afterwards, you’ll probably be less tempted to spend money on overpriced drinks.
Arrive early. Many locations (bars and clubs alike) that charge cover fees charge differently according to what time it is. If your usual bar has a good happy hour, meet up with a few friends for cheap drinks. If a club says that admission is free before ten o’clock, consider getting there early. Don’t forget to account for the time it takes to wait on line! Also, when possible, be female—you’ll probably pay less to get in to some places.
Have your own dance/karaoke/movie/theme party. Sometimes a night in can be even more rewarding than a night out.
Take advantage of your college or university. While you might associate school events with middle school dances when the sexes stood on opposite sides of the room and stared at their feet or giggled in circles, school-sponsored events can often be fun. The people putting them together are probably either paid to do it (and probably at least somewhat good at it) or they are college students just like you with similar ideas of fun. Check your school events calendar, as well as any deals that your school and local businesses offers like student-price movie tickets, coupons, brochures, and other student savings. You’ll be surprised what you can find!
It's who you're with that counts most.
Of course, there is no perfect formula for saving money, but over time you should discover what works for you and learn your own methods along the way. While you’re in college, remember that you’re in college. Remember that you’re not the only one concerned about saving money while having fun, that there are whole schools of students worried about the same thing. In this realization you can find your savior—your friends. No matter where you’re going or what you’re doing, surround yourself by good people and you can’t go wrong.
Take advantage of a great happy hour at Cuba!
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Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter! FOLLOW ME!!
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I turned on FOX television network’s reality TV show Take Me Out one Thursday night after seeing Ingrid Michaelson tweet about it. Having only caught the last half hour (which, factoring in commercial breaks, means I saw maybe about fifteen minutes), I was in that weird, bad-reality-TV mood and threw the remote to the other side of the couch. I proceeded to watch The Choice.
Hosted by Cat Deeley, the English girl with the nice legs who’s also hosted Dancing with the Stars, this episode starred Pauly D from The Jersey Shore, recording artist Romeo, Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom, and actor Jason Cook. The four celebrities sat in chairs facing the audience and away from the stage—if you’ve ever watched The Voice, it’s the same idea (and not coincidentally, because apparently The Choice is a parody of NBC’s more viable show). The concept of the dating show is essentially to give “regular” people the chance to have a dream date with a celebrity, based off of their personality and not their looks.
This latter aim is an ironic one because the show very obviously fails to achieve its don’t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover facade. First off, the pre-show contestant selection process seems to weed out anything-but-decent looking people, all who have clearly put a lot of effort into their appearances. Secondly, during the show, the “blind” celebrities are allowed, very early on, to see the contestants, and can easily choose according to their physical preferences.
Like any date, The Choice starts off with introductions: all the chairs are turned and a contestant’s name is announced. A large recorded silhouette of her body is displayed (I mean large, like the-wizard’s-face-in-the-Wizard-of-Oz large) while she attempts to show off how much she can shake her hips or grind or flip the hem of her dress. Then the walls of Oz part and she walks out as if auditioning for Toddlers and Tiaras, striking a pose at the end of her catwalk like a supermodel in training. The crowd cheers and often influences the choice of the celebs before anyone hears her speak. When she does open her mouth, she usually shouts as if she wasn’t already hooked up to a microphone. She describes herself in an over-rehearsed speech in terms of her personality and oftentimes also her looks, which is yet another step that makes the dates not-so-blind. Clichés, pick-up lines, and the corniest things you’ve ever heard fly across the stage in attempts to tickle the ears and other body parts of the lucky four celebrities.
Depending on who is in the chairs, there is a varied amount of room for sleaziness—while Pauly loved the girl who just got a stripper pole in her bedroom to exercise, Jeremy Bloom was all about the girl who liked to hang out with her grandma. The celebrity cast seemed to have been carefully chosen to present such a variety, which was a good thing because it left a chance for the small percentage of contestants who didn’t give hints about their love for giving oral sex.
The “blind” portion of the dating show can, from here forward, completely be tossed out the window, since the girls who least appeal to the celebrities physically can simply be eliminated within the next two rounds. Such is the case more often than not, and understandably so.
If more than one celebrity turns their chair for a contestant, then the decision-making power changes hands. It is then the celebrities’ turn to woo, which they are no rookies at, given their just-below-A-list statuses. While Pauly D described himself as “fun, ambitious, and trustworthy,” Romeo attempted to work his magic by remarking that looking at his contestant was “Better than looking at a Picasso.” The ladies were wooed in both cases, though the second girl probably shouldn’t have bought it because the most famous Picassos look like this.
Team Pauly standing beauty-contest style
The first round takes up the first half hour of the show, so after a hefty commercial break, round two commences. Once each celebrity has assembled a steamy team of three, the celebrities take turns asking their dates questions for fifteen seconds at a time—which is, obviously, the perfect amount of time to get an accurate impression of someone. Life or death questions like “Would you rather eat a bag of jalapeños or drink a beer that someone just dropped a cigarette into?” and stress-inducing demands like “Tell me a joke” put the girls on the spot as they stutter over their words. When they find a second of silence, the girls spit questions back at the celebrities which are often answered by another question. This is by far the most chaotic round and it doesn’t seem to achieve much except reveal a contestant’s choice of filler words.
When each girl has been asked two questions, the celebrities then eliminate one girl from their team of three. The last fifteen minutes (with, of course, another five-minute commercial break in the middle) revolve around the third and final round in which Cat Deeley reads a question to the contestants individually. After both girls have answered the question, the celebrity goes up on stage and chooses between the two, carrying her back to his chair on his arm so that he can whisk her off on a celebrity dream date.
This round proved to be very funny in the episode that I watched. When Cat asked Jason’s team, “What would you prescribe Jason if he came to you with a broken heart?,” the darker skinned girl replied “Coffee for your cream” (which doesn’t really make sense, unless cream has healing properties that I don’t know about). Ironically, when the second girl came out from backstage, her answer was “a lot of chocolate.” The crowd laughed and the poor girl was so confused that she almost stopped her answer there.
Pauly's unsurprising choice for a date
Jason, of course, couldn’t not pick the first girl after the chocolate comments, and so the commercial break that preceded his big decision was the least anticipation-filled commercial break ever. Completely unsurprising also was Pauly D’s choice, which anyone who has watched The Jersey Shore could easily predict from the end of round one. Despite the fact that the second girl on his team gave a fuller answer that actually made sense, he claimed, once on stage, that “If you looked up my type in the dictionary, there’s a great big picture of Elyse,” and chose the first girl.
Later episodes have featured female celebrities with male contestants and, from one other episode I regrettably watched, have the potential to be slightly less hectic than this first premier episode. Still, the main rule seems to be that if you want to win a date with a celebrity, your success depends on who the celebrity is. If you want a date with someone who is ambitious and career-focused, show interest in things that are relevant to him, like music. If you’re aiming for a date with someone with a sense of humor, make them laugh, even if the laughs are a result of coincidence. If you want to date someone sweet who cares about their family, show them that you are nice and family-oriented and be someone who he/she would want to take home to Mom. And, if you want to date someone who loves to party, look like someone he would want to take to the club and then, perhaps, home to his bedroom.
Then again, if you want to not blend into the crowd and be like every other date, just be yourself, give specificity in your answers that distinguish you from others, think on your feet, be memorable, and be real.
But perhaps the most valuable lesson from this show can be taken from the contestants that do not “win” the date. The dating world is crowded and competitive, and just because you may not be a particular person’s pick of the litter, doesn’t mean that you should give up. Sometimes you don’t stand a chance against the odds when someone has a “type” that you don’t fit into or when a simple coincidence sways them the opposite way. Most of the time, the reasons for not being “selected” are less obvious; but no matter what, it is important to remember that just as there are a million options out there for the other person, there are many options for you as well. Real life dating is more than a three-step process, but if you keep at it you may find that one day you have a dream date with the Choice of your own.
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My first time was in a Kmart. My best friend and I were walking around a shopping center near home, looking to kill time after school before starting our homework. We stumbled across the section of discounted books and could not help but pause to giggle at the shirtless, six-packed Fabios on white horses holding women in flowing white dresses (I’m not sure if any of the books actually had that cover, but I wouldn’t doubt it). Once I saw the “2 / $6” stickers on some of the books, I knew that I would be making a purchase that day.
Beth purchased The Millionaire’s Inexperienced Love-Slave while I went for The Glass Slipper and Pure Temptation, which flaunted a muscly man with medium-length brown hair lounging under satin sheets with his arms thrown back as if he thought that he was posing for a dictionary entry of the novel’s title. When we got to the registers with our books, I found out that the bargain price stickers on my two books were lies, and that I would be making the cheapest purchases of my life: books that cost a penny each. I suspected two things: first, that there was a glitch in the register system, and also that the books were even worse written than originally suspected, with its writing perhaps as cheap as my receipt suggested.
Romance novels have been referred to as “smut” and female pornography due to the sexual content that some books contain. However, while some books certainly do contain explicit scenes, others contain nothing more than hand-holding and church-rated kissing. Happy endings, which usually lead to marriage, are essentially required by the genre (Romeo and Julietis one of the most famous unhappily-ending romances); there are, by definition of the romance novel, requirements concerning plot. If the storyline can only be damaged without the sexual elements, the novel is most likely to be classified as an erotic romance novel (example: Fifty Shades of Grey).
Though I’ve held myself back from reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy in public, not as daring as the several women in whose laps the books can be found on the train I take every day (I’m sure there are some with the e-book, too), I have a steadily increasing amount of experience with this division of women’s fiction. Apart from my internship with the Campus Clipper, I work with a literary agency. Having only found a small amount of information about the agency before my interview with the company, I resorted to thinking that the agency specialized mainly in helping authors publish romance novels, since most of the information I found suggested so. It turns out that while the agency does do this, it is by no means a romance-only agency. Regardless, I checked out a few romance novels the library, hoping to familiarize myself with the type of writing that the agency represents before I started working there.
My mother was recently recommended the now-infamous Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, and she suggested that I also read it to bone up (no pun intended) on the genre as well as current popular reads. Now done with the first book, she is admittedly a little uncomfortable with this suggestion to her youngest daughter.
Ironically, despite being among the least respected, romance is the most popular North American genre, consisting of almost 55% of paperback books sold in 2004 (e-books are becoming increasingly popular in romance sales, particularly for erotic romance, probably because it allows discretion). About 91% of the consumers are women. While the stigmas that can come with the romance genre seem to be taken lightheartedly by the general public, there are those who are enraged by the books. While some argue for the sake literature, others believe that the books are immoral, degrading, and even dangerous.
What makes these books so appealing and popular? The Fifty Shades trilogy, the first of which was published in June 2011, has gone viral, surpassing the Harry Potter series as the fastest-selling paperbacks. But surrounding the book’s rise on the best-seller charts is a load (I can’t help myself) of controversy. The male protagonist’s appeal to BDSM makes the novel more risqué than the average romance, and the popularity of the trilogy has some worrying about the implications that the book gives about what is okay in the bedroom (or the setting of choice).
One woman wonders, “Do middle-aged women, the main audience for this book, really view the threat of violence as an aphrodisiac? And isn’t it dangerous to turn a BDSM-addict into a romantic hero? Would we want our daughters dating Christian Grey?”
Comments such as these might be related to concerns in the 1860s, when critical attention was focused on romance novels because the female reader was believed to be susceptible and vulnerable to ideas. It was believed during this time and for decades later that women should be reading more wholesome works like those that taught them about a moral society and how to be humble homemakers.
EL James’ books are by no means the first romance or erotic romance novels to be published. Fifty Shades has not invented anything new in either the world of literature or the world of sex, or even BDSM for that matter. People could just as easily get ideas from these books as from another million sources. Also, as critic Caroline Lucas argues, just as in the 1860s, readers can exercise “resistant reading,” choosing which ideas they will and will not adopt from a text. Besides, from what I understand, the trilogy distinguishes between BDSM and abuse, and never implies that abuse is okay.
Romance novels have been around for quite some time. According to RadioLab’s podcast “The Greatest Hits of Ancient Garbage,” the most common finding in a landfill of ten centuries of ancient Egyptian garbage is papers of a romance novel (you can hear snippets of it read at 16:13 on the podcast). Though it took an archaeology expedition to make this discovery, we can more easily find early evidence of romance in print such as in Medieval tales of courtship and chivalry and Renaissance literature such as plays and poems by Shakespeare. The Romantic Period shifted the focus towards courtly relationships ending in marriage, which is where most modern romance novels still end.
One major distinction of these earlier works from the modern ones is that most early works were written by and for men of a patriarchal society and from a male character’s point of view. The first best-seller romance novel was written during this time, in 1740 with Samuel Richardson’s Pamela. Written from the heroine’s viewpoint for a change, it sold like wildfire.
Light, enlightenment, or phallic symbol?
Jane Austen and Charlotte Brontë are two well-known Victorian romance writers, and though it can be argued that the sexuality in their romances is more subdued, I ask you to look at the symbolism within their work. I remember being a sophomore in high school and shaking my head in fear every time my English teacher suggested phallic symbolism in Jane Eyre. (Also, I suggest a look at Andrew Marvell’s 1650s poem “To His Coy Mistress” which might be summed up colloquially as “Stop being prude, let’s bang.”)
Such novels, particularly those written by female writers, helped to pave the road for women’s literature, introducing characters that were strong and generated sympathy for the condition of women in society. They often suggested a female quest for freedom and independence. As women outside of the fictional world of novels began to experience freedom for themselves and became literate, more liberated romance novels emerged.
Perhaps the most free expression in romance novels can be found in erotica, where authors have to have a decent set of balls to write without restriction (many just have a decent pseudonym instead). Renowned writer Anaïs Nin, after having drafted an apparently-withheld draft, was once told by her agent to “Leave out the poetry and descriptions of anything but sex.” The result was Delta of Venus, which has apparently been forgotten about in the midst of the Fifty Shades outrage.
Working at the literary agency, I have gained a greater respect for romance writing and those who can write romance well and, yes, for those who can write decent sex scenes (hey, if you’re going to convince me that the character is having the best sex of her life, you better not describe the same thing again and again). Perhaps the most notable feature of modern romance novels is the ease of the read. Unlike an Austen or Brontë romance, the writing of a typical modern romance should be taken plainly and doesn’t feel heavy or make the reader think too much.
But this mindless reading is the reason why literary critics everywhere tend to bash romance novels, saying that they lack merit or do not contribute to the world of literature. Unfortunately, this also paints a bad image of romance readers such that makes them look unintellectual and jaded, ironically bringing the representation of the romance reader back to where it was when women were still generally accepted as the lesser sex.
Some scholars believe that romance novels create submissive readers by showing the female protagonists ignoring issues other than love and marriage. But if we colloquially distinguish our “love life” as a “separate” life, why can’t we have books that also do so? Are mystery novels ignoring everything but unsolved murders? Do fantasy books ignore everything but magic?
Those who argue in favor of romance novels say that they are socially significant because they offer insight into human (usually female) ideals. Whether written on ancient papyrus paper, hidden under a Victorian pillow, or proudly displayed on a Metro North train, it is clear that these ideals, no matter how controversial, have been popular for a long, long time.
While I can’t exactly argue with the assessment of the quality of typical modern romance writing, I will say that not everything that is written strives to contribute to the same world as Hemingway and other literary greats. Sometimes people write and read just for enjoyment. Romance novels are like the flashy sequin shirts worn to a club or the French fries ordered as a side to a salad—not meant to be taken seriously, but meant, instead, to be fun, a sort of escape. In fact, romance novels have experienced a rise in the current recession, just like Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Winddid during the Depression. Lawyer and book-blogger Jennifer Lampe says, “Given the general dismay and gloominess, reading something like a romance with a happy ending is really kind of a relief.” And that’s what modern romance novels are really about. Romance novels are written to be enjoyed, not to enlighten, and they are, simply, about pleasure—the pleasure of reading.
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Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter! FOLLOW ME!!
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“Being in a relationship with someone on Facebook is basically like proposing marriage,” read a friend’s Facebook status, which had about twenty “likes” and a few affirmative comments. I scrolled down my wall and saw that a friend “is now listed as single.” I called my boyfriend. “What happened with them?” He was as shocked as I was, both of us having first heard through our News Feed.
After my first break up, I also had to “break up” with my ex on Facebook because we were one among many couples that chose to make our relationship “Facebook official.” We made sure that we told certain people by mouth first so that they didn’t discover it online. The two of us gave each other the nod, logged onto our accounts, and listed ourselves as single. I tried to hide it from my notifications, but people found out anyway. Comments and messages of regret and comfort trickled in even though no one knew what had happened or why we called it quits. Part of me felt bad that still so many people had to find out online, but, then again, I didn’t have the time or emotional stability to tell everyone who seemed to care. I hated the Facebook attention, but at the same time it was comforting to know that I had support.
Over a year later, I was watching television with my parents when I got a text message: “call me when u go on facebook.” I responded, “Okay,” figuring Matt just wanted to talk online, and then joked with my dad about the Cialis commercial and waited for the end of the “NCIS” episode. Little did I know, Matt and his best friend were freaking out, suspecting that I had already seen the Facebook relationship request he sent me and was rejecting it without physically clicking the “reject” button. One commercial break later, another text message: “Sup? Go on the computer yet?” I smiled. A week earlier during our “relationship talk,” we agreed that we didn’t have much of an opinion about our status on Facebook, but a decision had clearly been made.
I’ve always found the “Information” section of Facebook to be a strange concept, as if we define ourselves primarily by our name, hometown, gender, age, sexual orientation, and relationship status. It serves as our “Hi, my name is” sticker, and it is often one of the first things we look at when visiting someone’s profile.
The desire to “go public” with a relationship is definitely a matter of preference. I know some people who have been dating for years and still leave their statuses undefined. In fact, Facebook reported in 2010 that its majority of users, 37.62%, choose not to label their status at all.
I once had a weird, unlabeled relationship, the kind where you introduce your slightly-significant other to friends just by his name and laugh awkwardly when people make more defined assumptions. It was the kind of relationship that I wasn’t really sure how to label, but I didn’t mind; we decided to date exclusively but we weren’t yet committed, and I figured we would just see where time together took us.
Then he said he wanted to be more than whatever we were. I was hesitant but agreed to it if we would take it slow. He assumed since we were “officially together,” we would put it on Facebook. I silently freaked out but reluctantly accepted. Why should it matter? I asked myself. We’re not seeing other people, I’m now calling myself his girlfriend, so what’s the big deal? We have that picture online, some of my friends have met him, my mom knows about him….Besides, it’s just a thing on Facebook.
That night I had congratulations and “likes” on my new update from people who had never even heard of the guy I was dating and didn’t have any clue that I was the least bit apprehensive about being in a relationship. I felt incorrectly labeled, fresh produce in the frozen food section.
Twelve days later, I was searching the Facebook help pages to try to figure out how to guarantee my notifications were hidden from the world, asking friends to check their News Feed to make sure my update wasn’t there. The other end of the relationship didn’t seem to care as much about people knowing about our break up, implied by his spiteful and directed statuses which he updated every few minutes to get his point across, either to me or to everyone else.
After he de-friended me, it became clear whose attention he really wanted. What makes a relationship status a “big deal” is the fact that so many others see it. It’s like the virtual ring on your finger or locket around your neck, except it’s harder to wear it one day and not the other without people noticing. Therefore, it all comes down to the beginning: once you set a relationship status, you have to accept whatever buzz it creates as well as what might happen if it changes.
When you’re in a relationship with the right person (or married to, engaged to, in a complicated something-or-other with, etc.), you might just find that it feels right to let your Facebook friends know about him or her. Talk about it, think about it, and, if it’s what you want, break away from your “NCIS” episode, run to your laptop, and click “accept.”
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Ever had a nightmare that ended with your smartphone in shiny little pieces? Maybe a Facebook comment on your ex’s page made you drop your phone while crossing the street, only to see it run over by a car? Okay, that probably doesn’t happen that often, but we do break our cool toys for not-so-cool reasons time to time. Use the coupon below for a student discount at Photo Tech to take a little bit of the sting out of getting your electronics fixed.
Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter!
Click here to download the Campus Clipper iTunes App!
Follow Campus Clipper on Twitter or keep current by liking us on Facebook.
Interested in more deals for students? Sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter to get the latest in student discounts and promotions and follow our Tumblr and Pinterest. For savings on-the-go, download our printable coupon e-book.
But perhaps the most valuable lesson from this show can be taken from the contestants that do not “win” the date. The dating world is crowded and competitive, and just because you may not be a particular person’s pick of the litter, doesn’t mean that you should give up. Sometimes you don’t stand a chance against the odds when someone has a “type” that you don’t fit into or when a simple coincidence sways them the opposite way. Most of the time, the reasons for not being “selected” are less obvious; but no matter what, it is important to remember that just as there are a million options out there for the other person, there are many options for you as well. Real life dating is more than a three-step process, but if you keep at it you may find that one day you have a dream date with the Choice of your own.WEB.jpg)
Romance novels have been referred to as “smut” and female pornography due to the sexual content that some books contain. However, while some books certainly do contain explicit scenes, others contain nothing more than hand-holding and church-rated kissing. Happy endings, which usually lead to marriage, are essentially required by the genre (
withheld draft, was once told by her agent to “Leave out the poetry and descriptions of anything but sex.” The result was 
