Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category

Keep Your Heart Open

Wednesday, July 24th, 2019

I’ve never been with a non “frat boy”. That is honestly kind of scary to admit; and clearly I have a type. Up until this point I have only been attracted to the type of guy that I knew would hurt me. Even in high school, the one guy who I liked throughout all four years ended up being in a frat when he got to college. I have tried for years to go for nice guys who would obviously treat me better than the ones in the past, but for some reason I never have that initial attraction. I am attracted to confident guys and I think some of these “nice boys” tend to be more on the shy side. Considering I have been through heartbreak despite never being in a long term committed relationship, shows how horrible my type is. Again, it suggests that “frat boys” are not the best type of guy to go for if you are looking for more than just a hookup.

I want to give myself the option to be treated the right way. I want to experience what it feels like to be cared about as much as I care about a person. So to try and change my type, I wanted to learn more about non frat guys and how they treat girls; I interviewed someone who is not in a frat. I was not surprised to find that his answers were completely opposite from the frat boys. I think it’s important for me to admit that in the past I have cared so much about how the guy looks. Physical attraction has always been super important to me. But I believe that is why I have had so much trouble in the boy department. I think that maybe that deep down this is me self sabotaging possible connections. After so long of being single and being hurt I think deep down I am scared to let myself be happy. There have been guys in the past who have pursued me and I wouldn’t even give them a chance simply because I wasn’t initially attracted to them. I believe that society has shaped what “attractive” is supposed to be through the media and created these conceptions that someone must be attractive for us to date them. I won’t lie, I do sometimes base on my attraction to a guy on if my friends or other people think he is hot as well. And again, that brings it back to the media ingraining this image of what attractive people should look like. I have recently learned that it is not at all important what other people think; what is important is if that person makes you happy and that is all. I still believe that aspect of a relationship is important but I also believe that I need to be more open to different types of men. If I give certain people a chance that I would not have in the past, who knows, maybe I will find a true connection with someone. The connection is what lasts. In reality, the person marry will not be as attractive when you grow old, so it’s important that you have a string connection.  

I asked this non frat boy the same questions I asked the “frat boys” so that I can get a clear understanding of these two types of men. When I asked him what type of girl he looks for, he responded by explaining that he doesn’t have any specific features that he looks for in a woman. He said, “for me, personality makes a much bigger difference in finding someone attractive. I’m into people who are intelligent, don’t take themselves too seriously, constantly joke around, and are level-headed. Being able to have an open dialogue and talk through any problems that arise between us is something that’s extremely important to me.” When comparing this response to the past responses I got, I was more surprised than I thought I would be. I knew they would be different but it is already so clear that this type of guy is someone who doesn’t only think about himself. He is someone who clearly cares about others and he understands the importance of a connection. This is something that I realized I struggled with in my past “relationships.” I often felt that the connection I had with a person was so strong and always wanted more than I was getting; because of this I would force situations that weren’t ready to go further. I always assumed the guy was feeling the same strong connection. Although some of these guys I was with might have had some type of feelings for me, I am learning now that I exaggerated and overthought everything they would say to me and convinced myself it meant way more than it did. This is where I would run into problems. I would become attached and dreamt about being with this person; those dreams turned into daydreaming, and those thoughts would linger in my head all day long. It became an obsession that I am not proud of but it is the truth. I would think up these circumstances where me and this person would be together, we would be on a date smiling and laughing and kissing. I would think about him surprising me and coming to my house unannounced with flowers. I pretty much imagined a whole relationship in my mind that did not exist. This caused me to expect so much out of someone who wasn’t even ready hook up with me exclusively, let alone date me. 

I have accepted the mistakes I have made, however the reason it got to that point was the result of a frat boy mistreating and leading me on. When I asked this non frat guy what it took for him to commit to someone, he responded with, “I’m always a little scared to fully commit to a relationship. Not because I want the freedom to be with other people, but because gaining that title is a large undertaking if you’re not totally sure. Being someone’s boyfriend is a lot different than hooking up or casually dating them, and you have to be ready for the expectations that come with that. If I commit, it’s usually when I feel very comfortable with someone, at the point in the relationship where I’m still totally enamored, and would be hurt if I saw them with anyone else.” It is clear that a person like this would not lie and lead someone on. If he is going to commit to someone he isn’t going to lie about his feelings because he wants the girl to be honest with him. If there is a real and true connection then it is clear that he will go for it. I then asked him if he enjoyed hooking up with multiple girls. He explained that making even a small connection with someone makes hooking-up way more enjoyable and because of that, finding as many partners as possible never really appealed to him. He isn’t like the “frat boys” in this way at all. He doesn’t have that drive to become an alpha male and he doesn’t have the need to prove himself to anyone. All he cares about is a genuine connection. Of course casual sex can be fun, even I will admit that; but there comes a point when you realize, sex with someone where the connection is mutual can mean so much more. 

The last question I asked him was if he ever thinks about the girls feelings before his own. He responded with this, “While I definitely want to make sure I’m doing what’s right for me, the last thing I want to do is hurt someone’s feelings. I try to be empathetic, and no matter what, I’m always open to talking things out. So far, It’s worked out pretty well. I almost never end on bad terms with people I’ve been with, and I’m still close friends with a lot of girls despite our history. I’m willing to make compromises if it means I can avoid hurting someone I care about. I just try to imagine how the same situation would feel if the roles were reversed, and act accordingly.” When I heard this, all I could do was smile. It was so refreshing to hear that there are actually men out there like this who care about us girls. He gave me hope to keep my heart open. I always wondered if the guys I was with thought about how they would feel if I did the things they did to me. I’m sure the ones I was with did not. But it warms my heart to know that there are guys who do and I cannot wait to find that person who feels this way about me. 

 


By Hannah Sternberg

Hannah is a rising Senior at James Madison University majoring in the School of Media Arts and Design with a concentration of Broadcast Journalism. She works for her schools weekly newscast called Breeze TV as a reporter in training and this year will become a full time reporter. Her dream is to become a reporter but she also enjoys the entertainment production industry. One of her favorite things to do to relieve stress is dancing. 

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The “Frat Boy”

Wednesday, July 17th, 2019

I want to talk about something that every college girl should be hyper aware of. I am sure most of you have heard the term “frat boy,” but I aim to dig a little deeper. I want to explain exactly what the stereotype of “frat boy” is; and how that stereotype is sometimes right on point. If you are trying to find a boyfriend, a “frat star” is definitely not the type of guy you should be looking for. Now, of course I know we cannot generalize and say that every boy in a frat acts the same. But I am simply explaining this situation from my experience. I have interviewed two guys that are in a fraternity in order to get more insight on how they think about things. 

Before talking about what I learned from these “frat boys,” I want to explain my experience with them. Since the minute I entered college I was a sorority girl, so I immediately became surrounded by fraternity guys. As a freshman, of course I did not know what was best for me and I got involved with a guy who had just become a pledge to a fraternity at my school. For those of you who don’t know, most college boys just want to have fun and hook up with as many girls as possible so that they can prove they are the alpha male to their frat brothers; it seems to be a pride thing from experience. I learned this later on in my college career but it was confirmed by a fraternity brother at JMU whom I interviewed. He explained that getting into college most guys do not have a romantic relationship on their mind. I learned this after becoming attached to two different frat boys my freshman year and being let down. And of course we can’t forget my 7 month “non-relationship” that was indeed with a frat boy. 

During my freshman year, I was consistently with a frat boy in my dorm and just like I let my sophomore year boy take advantage of my feelings, this freshman boy pretended to care as well, and that is just the honest truth. We would go out and the nights he wanted me he got me and the nights I saw him kissing other girls, he didn’t remember because of how much alcohol had been consumed. As I write this, I realize how similar this situation sounds to my situation from sophomore year. Apparently I have a type; and that type is a frat boy player. As a result of this, I was hurt many times by frat boys which is of course why I have such a negative outlook towards them. To find out what goes on in their minds, I interviewed two fraternity brothers who attend different schools to see if they think similarly. 

I asked them what their type of girl is and one responded with, “honestly hot, I’ll settle for attractive and if I’m drunk enough, then whatever.”  The second boy responded with, “a girl that is down for basically anything.” Again, we cannot generalize and say that every frat guy thinks this way, but I will say these responses alone may show the player mindset of a “frat boy.”

I then asked them, “if you had the chance to tell a girl how to pursue you and become your girlfriend what would you tell them to do?” Instead of giving me a straight answer, the guys explained what goes through a frat guys head when it comes to commitment and relationships. One explained that the majority of college guys want to stay single for their own selfish reasons. They both explained that guys are way less in touch with their emotions and when they might feel themselves liking a girl, they will talk themselves out of it because they are either not mature enough or simply not ready to dedicate the time to one person. They both shared that they are scared of commitment and when I asked why, neither had an actual answer. 

When trying to figure out why these frat guys really don’t like commitment or relationships, I asked if they believed being in a frat affects the way they treat girls and both immediately agreed that it did. One said, “being in a frat makes sex seem way more casual and transactional, but it should technically be that way in college. It can definitely poison your view of how an interaction should go with a girl.” He explained that seeing your fraternity brothers hooking up with multiple girls each weekend makes you think that this is the right way to act. It almost makes you want to act that way so that you can prove yourself and stand out in the fraternity. I’ve learned that a lot of this “frat boy” stereotype comes from pride and wanting to fit in. It is also based on pleasure, of course and a lot of the times these boys genuinely only think about themselves when they do things. I asked if they ever think about the girls feelings when they hook up with someone else and they explained that guys will pretty much disassociate the feelings of the girl because in their minds, the girl is just being crazy when they ask to hangout more than a few times. They basically said that they are just not mature enough or ready for a relationship and explained that, “honestly I am focused on myself and my career and don’t wanna worry about another person before I have to.” Of course this response sounds corrupt, but that just exemplifies the way many frat boys think and explains why they treat girls the way they do. One of them even thought that saying something to a girl in the moment to make them happy, is worth the girl being hurt later on when they realize these words were a lie. They thought that this temporary happiness was enough; I clearly explained why that thought process was morally incorrect. 

When it comes down to it, again I cannot say that every frat boy acts in this manner, but I can definitely say that fraternities have an effect on the way a guy treats a girl throughout college. Many fraternities set the precedent, exemplify, and encourage this type of behavior towards girls. When the real world hits, and it isn’t that easy to “get a girl” anymore, us women will be in control and these “frat boys” will learn that treating girls this way does not work.  If these boys in fraternities continue to act immaturely and refuse to acknowledge their own flaws, they will most likely find themselves alone. 

 


 

By Hannah Sternberg

Hannah is a rising Senior at James Madison University majoring in the School of Media Arts and Design with a concentration of Broadcast Journalism. She works for her schools weekly newscast called Breeze TV as a reporter in training and this year will become a full time reporter. Her dream is to become a reporter but she also enjoys the entertainment production industry. One of her favorite things to do to relieve stress is dancing. 

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Lies and the Truths

Tuesday, July 9th, 2019

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This is just one example of the sad and honestly pathetic conversations I would have with my so called “ex.” As I read these texts now, I can see right through them, clearly. He would manipulate me in every which way; he would tell me how much he cared about me and how he wanted to see me. In reality, all those times he “missed me,” he missed having sex with me and that is all. He knew how deeply I felt about him because I would tell him every time I was with him. I couldn’t help myself and I never knew why. He used his knowledge of my feelings for him as his way in every time. One of the many times he “won” me back was after three weeks of me cutting him off. I hadn’t seen, texted, called, or snap chatted him for a full 3 weeks. And for me, that was unheard of. I was so proud of myself at the time—another red flag that should have made me want to end it. But of course the weekend came along, and after another night out with my girlfriends, distracting myself and trying to move on, I got a text from him. He asked me to come to his party so that we could talk. My head was telling me no and to stay with my friends but every bone in my body wanted to see him. For some reason I felt that I needed to see the guy that refused to commit to me because he wanted to live out his college years kissing as many girls as possible. I used to think that me being at his parties would stop him from doing that. I learned quickly that was not the case. In reality, there was nothing appealing about him; but I convinced myself that there was. His looks and his fun energy is what I was attracted to and that caused me to ignore every red flag that was waving directly in front of my face.Despite all the pain and suffering he put me through, I still craved his presence and his touch. 

So, I had to convince my friend to come with me to his party. I promised her I was only going to talk to him and leave. It took me a while to get her to come with me because she didn’t agree with my decision to see him; but I explained that it will make me happy. She reluctantly agreed and came with me. I hated the fact that I had to convince my friends to even see him but at the time, all I could think about was seeing him.  I promised her I was only going to talk to him and leave. Well, of course that was not what happened. I went home with him that night. When my friends found out that I had spent the night with him, they were so angry with me. They of course reminded me of how poorly he treats me and made sure I knew what I was getting myself back into. Again, I knew it was wrong but I was doing what made me happy. He promised me that our time apart made him realize how much he cared about me and that night it felt like I was finally getting what I wanted. We went and got food (only our second date technically) and it felt like we were floating on clouds.

That very next weekend, he took a Xanax, blacked out, and made out with multiple girls in front of my face. Again. It felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me directly through my heart. I was tired, upset, heartbroken, but I was angry more than anything. Even though he still hadn’t officially committed to me, for some reason I thought this time would be different; he made me believe it would be by his smooth manipulative words. It was certainly not. 

It’s weird because as it was happening, I knew that being with him wasn’t right. I would even sometimes sneak around and lie to my friends about where I was, when I was with him. If he would stay the night at my house, I would make sure to wake up early to drive him home just so my roommates wouldn’t know. I knew it was wrong. So why did I keep doing it? Why would I keep going right back to him even when I knew how wrong it was? Everything he did and said should have made me turn away; but he always convinced me that I was in the wrong. I was so blinded by the lust that I convinced myself I loved him. I had never been with someone that made me feel so comfortable. I always felt like I could be myself around him because he accepted everything about me. He accepted the fact that I enjoyed dancing for more than just pleasure. He understood why I almost chose dance as a career. But he also helped me to stay on the path I chose. I let the way he made me feel, the lust, affection and attention he gave me blind my morals. To me it was more than just sex. I made decisions that I would not have made if I would have just realized he was treating me like a doll. He enjoyed his time with me but I realized we mostly hung out at night. And we mostly hung out in his room. I would not have hooked up with those other guys if he would have just committed to me. I would not have hooked up with those other guys if he didn’t make me feel revengeful.

Sometimes every bone in your body will tell that you want something you shouldn’t. Don’t ever let that control your decisions. I regret the amount of times I let him take advantage of me. I regret the amount of times I would defend his actions to my friends. If you ever find yourself making decisions about your life based on someone else – especially when that someone else clearly doesn’t think the same as you do – then take a second and rethink your actions. Rethink who you’re spending your time with. And rethink why you are doing the things you are doing. Look at your situation from a third person point of view. If what was happening to you happened to your friend, what advice would you give them? Would you tell them to stay? Or to run? If it doesn’t feel right, then make a change. It took me making the same mistakes multiple times to learn to give up. Don’t let a toxic situation last that long. 

Listen to the truths, not the lies.

 


By Hannah Sternberg

Hannah is a rising Senior at James Madison University majoring in the School of Media Arts and Design with a concentration of Broadcast Journalism. She works for her schools weekly newscast called Breeze TV as a reporter in training and this year will become a full time reporter. Her dream is to become a reporter but she also enjoys the entertainment production industry. One of her favorite things to do to relieve stress is dancing. 

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Diary of a College Student: Adjusting to Life Off-Stage and into the Lecture Hall

Monday, April 2nd, 2018

In having been an actor for over 10 years of my life the adjustment that I experienced in not pursuing acting further in college was interesting, to say the least. Before that, life had been a world of opportunity in the sense that anywhere could have been a stage upon which to demonstrate my craft, my commitment, my skill, etc..

Upon arriving in New York City as a freshman college student, I found myself searching for something new around which to center my life. Something that could fill the void I felt inside me. I wanted to substitute something for the hours of intense training, detail-oriented rehearsals, and a creativity that was conditioned to image the sufferings and joys of human existence. I was in the process of reimagining my life, adjusting to my new life off-stage, in lecture halls, and among unfamiliar peers; in the manner that I would live, the activities that I would pursue daily, the motivation that I felt that pushed me toward always becoming better than what I was the day before, etc.. I believe that this time, a time of life re-imagined, can relate to, and is shared by, those who experience a dramatic shift in their day-to-day routines, their sense of limitation, and their sense of liberty when choosing what to prioritize in life.

This especially applies to college students, namely Freshmen, who recently removed themselves from a familiar environment full of routine and safety. In attending an out-of-town, an out-of-state, or international university, students are faced with the difficult task of taking what they knew as life and drastically reimaging it to suit their needs in their new localities. The difficulties arises from temptation. Temptation that is reinforced by the general newfound liberty of independent living. Spiderman taught me at a young age that “with great power comes great responsibility,” and it is a fact of human existence that ameliorating one’s liberty of choice, freedom of expression, and right to self-determination is directly relatable to one’s sense power.

So in here lies the subject of responsibility. What this essay aims to make palpable is the difficulty that exists in maintaining one’s sense of responsibility and pragmatism during this time of life re-imagined. Before, we discussed the opportunities college students have in trying to find the best student deals, spark new relationships, curate better hygiene, etc. when in an unfamiliar place, such as attending a new school. However, it is this greater realization of the individual’s power of choice that is the true subject of this discourse. I don’t want to sound cliché, but for new college students, there is no greater excitement then determining exactly what it is that makes you happy and using those sources of happiness to your advantage.

Image Credit: http://www.scei.edu.au/news

The overwhelming nature of arriving in a different city, into a situation where there are no longer limits on the things you can try, or finding where those things will begin generally brings anxiety with it. It is good to feel that anxiety, because it means that you value what your life is and your happiness in living it. If I could go back and tell myself a tidbit of advice freshman year, I would tell him this: there is no greater opportunity missed than living a life that prioritizes your health, your happiness, and your ability to make patient deliberated decisions. That may seem like an Olympian sized feat, but it begins with the littlest of things. For example, when one prioritizes their health and ability to focus and deliberate, than drinking the night before a test perhaps wouldn’t even enter one’s mind as a viable option.

Image Credit: https://www.pragmait.com/therapyboss/blog/short-term-or-long-term-goals-still-required/

It may seem a little extreme. However, when I was adjusting to my life off-stage there were many decisions that I see now as being nothing but a hindrance on my overall goal of being happy. I was more concerned with my momentary happiness and less concerned with prioritizing my long term goals.  It is easy to try and find the most exciting thing to do as a young new college freshman or sophomore, but it is all too easy to get caught up in the overwhelming liberty that comes with newfound independence. Always prioritize the life you want to be living and don’t simply live in the moment, and I promise that your life re-imagined will be a rewarding one to live.

By James Rodriguez


A Texan born and raised, James Rodriguez grew up in San Antonio TX, and has recently graduated from New York University, having studied corporate and political publicity. He sings, plays guitar, studies French, etc. in his free time, and when given the opportunity to share advice that he thought noteworthy with future or current college students, he jumped on the chance. He believes that there is something incredibly important in obtaining knowledge from those who are going through or have recently finished dealing with the difficulties one is seeking advice on. Which is exactly the aim of the Campus Clipper: to share the best advice possible in order to better the experiences of students who are struggling now. Because he was once that lost college student who was searching for instruction and who felt out-of-place and in need of direction, he hopes that his words can relate to someone’s struggle and help along the way. 

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

 

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Philia

Monday, October 23rd, 2017
Courtesy: Independent

Courtesy: Independent

“I prayed for the city to be cleared of people, for the gift of being alone,  a-l-o-n-e: which is the one New Yorker prayer that rarely gets lost or delayed in channels, and in no time at all, everything I touched turned to solid loneliness.” J.D. Salinger

New York can be though on you but NYU could be a lot tougher. If you come from anywhere around Asia or the countryside, you would know that nosy neighbors are bats that gained bad reputation arising from the folklore that ties them to vampires and Dracula. In terms of usefulness, bats are prime agents of pollination and seed dispersal. Often devalued, most bats are not blood sucking creatures but a friend to the mankind: killing insects those of whom are threats.

Nosy neighbours are skilled at dispersing gossip. But drifting away from the reputation of gossipy housewives in their mid-forties, neighbors drop your kids, bring you food, help you when you are locked out or when you run out of sugar.

In New York, you don’t speak to your neighbors, it’s an unspoken ground rule that everyone seems to abide by. You don’t greet them. You don’t know them. It isn’t uncommon to live in your dorm room without speaking to your suite mates for days.

Elevators give you stress and phones without signals are awkward getaways. More than anywhere in the world, New York is where you most need a friend.

My classmate, Aerin Reed comes from a small town known as Eastern Connecticut where the only revolutionary thing that has happened in the last few years is the renovation of the Eastern Village Store. Moms and gossips and hitting deer accidentally are as much a part of her childhood vicinity as are bagels, frowns and subway horrors in New York.

“My town has a thousand people more than NYU’s graduating class,” Reed said while describing her transition from a traditional small town to the city that is overly crowded even on Sundays.

Unlike her friends and classmates, Reed never dreamed of studying in a traditional campus setting, which made NYU one of her first choices. “I remember walking down the road after welcome week and thinking I do not know anyone on the street,” quite unlike the million recognizable faces she would encounter while driving a car in the part of the world which she calls “home.”

At this exact moment what she would have missed is a friend. At this exact moment she needed the kind of love Greeks call “philia.”

Philia was first used by the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who defined it as brotherly love or love shared by friends. The English language does not have a separate word for what Aristotle believed to be unconditional and pure i.e. “with good reason,” so we shall do what we always do: follow the path lead by Greeks.

New York Times columnist Frank Bruni recently wrote a column titled, “The Real Campus Scourge,” which discusses the overwhelming theme of loneliness in a campus setting. “In a survey of nearly 28,000 students on 51 campuses by the American College Health Association last year, more than 60 percent said that they had “felt very lonely” in the previous 12 months. Nearly 30 percent said that they had felt that way in the previous two weeks,” he wrote. All these folks deprived of Philia.

In New York, everything is always on the extreme as is this feeling of loneliness. No amount of Rainbow themed Starbucks or insta worthy cookie doughs can fill the void that only friendship can fill. But my dearest, you are not alone in this. New York has that power over you but you have something that the city lacks: the option to halt, start over and rebuild.

Text your freshman year roommate.

Don’t let Netflix govern your life.

Talk to the person sitting right next to you, chances are she feels the same way.

Log off Instagram.

Remember, loneliness is a feeling that is temporary. It is not a lifestyle.

Don’t just make acquaintances. Get to know them. Turn them into your friends.

Most of all, remember to let go of whatever is holding you back: fear, shyness, insecurity, rationale, over possessive boyfriend and then you will learn to live. You need a friend and so does the person next to you. All you have to do is smile.

By Sushmita Roy

Sushmita Roy is a Campus Clipper intern and a junior at NYU majoring in Journalism and Psychology. Her research interests includes immigration, human interest stories and social psychology. When she’s not studying, Sushmita enjoys catching up with friends, binge watching TV shows and cooking for anyone and everyone. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books; we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings. 

 

 

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Transition to Intentional Community

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2017

As a high school senior, I really didn’t know what I was doing when it came to college. The year was 2012, I was seventeen, and I still had no clue which college to attend. I procrastinated up to the line, until it was National College Decision Day and I was forced to finally choose. Originally planning to attend college in Los Angeles, I settled on Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, thousands of miles from my home in California. I had visited Calvin a month earlier, in April, and toured the newest dorm, named Van Reken after one of the many Dutch alumni who sponsor Calvin. My mom had discovered a living-learning floor for Honors students and, being an overachiever in her college days, encouraged me to apply.

By June, I dragged myself onto the Calvin website to fill out the Honors floor application. However, a description of another floor in the same building caught my attention. Called Grassroots, the floor was dedicated to exploring multiculturalism and combating racism. Every two weeks, students were required to attend a one-credit Contextual Diversity class, which investigated racism in modern America. Forget the Honors floor; I knew I had to apply.

My parents had become involved in anti-racism work before I was born. They were the area directors for Young Life, a Christian program for students, in Kalamazoo, Michigan, for eight years. My dad had become involved in diversity trainings around the time when my parents married, and as a result, tried to integrate the largely white youth groups in suburban Kalamazoo with the largely black youth groups in other parts of the city. He was met with opposition, so, frustrated, my parents decided to relocate to Sacramento, California.

My parents’ vision was to form a multicultural community, with a church at its center, that fostered sharing life and learning from each other. They brought together groups of people that normally would never interact. And it was harder than they could have imagined. There was conflict, there was fallout, there was pain. But there was also compassion, and mutual benefit, and true friendship.

It was in this environment that I was raised. I had seen the heartbreak, but I had also seen raw connection that resulted in rich learning. By the time I was applying to live on intentional living-learning communities in college, I was hungry for that type of interaction. Even as a seventeen-year-old, I knew I wanted to engage in racial justice work.

Several months later, I moved onto Grassroots as a freshman. The floor was was the catalyst for not only my interests, but also who I was as a person. I was launched into community, and I had no clue what I was getting myself into: late-night talks about race theory, arguments, and the formation of lasting friendships. I was terribly uncomfortable, I learned a lot, it was the best and hardest two years of my life.

2nd VR women

The women of Grassroots during a dorm banquet.

Grassroots was a crucial step for me on a journey I hope to continue to take.

By Anna Lindner


Anna is a Campus Clipper intern and a first-year student in NYU’s Media, Culture, and Communication program. Her research interests include critical race and gender theory and their resultant intersectionality. When she’s not studying, Anna enjoys visiting friends, catching up on TV shows, and lifting weights. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books; we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings. 

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Encouraging Positive Talk and Confidence in Your Friend Group

Sunday, July 23rd, 2017

“Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.” There’s been a fair amount of research on how people are affected by their environments, and that largely means how they’re affected by the people with whom they interact. Have you ever noticed a friend of yours start using a phrase you use? Have you picked up certain habits from your friends? You’ll probably be hyper-aware of it after reading this! Some even argue that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Much of what I’ve read on this subject warns about the influence of toxic people and emotional vampires, like this cautionary article from https://medium.com. A lot of these self-help articles advise readers to rid themselves of friends and acquaintances who just aren’t feeding their lives in a positive way. I’m not disputing that advice. Cutting ties with draining people is important for your overall wellbeing. But if you’re influenced by the people around you, there’s also a lot you can do in turn to be a positive influence on them—and ultimately that’s beneficial for everyone.

https://twitter.com/mathsnsw

https://twitter.com/mathsnsw

Negativity doesn’t just come in the form of explicit rudeness or friends who deliberately put you down. Some of our most supportive, funny, valuable friends can unintentionally and indirectly propagate feelings of self-criticism and negativity by the way they talk to and about themselves. Author Mark Manson writes a lot about how we measure worth. Take this article for instance (it’s a short read): https://markmanson.net/how-we-judge-others. His logic is that the way we judge others is also how we judge ourselves. In his words, the yardstick by which we measure our own worth is also the yardstick by which we measure the worth of others. Often we aren’t conscious of how exactly we measure worth, but Manson points out that we can choose to be conscious, and from there we can choose our yardsticks. So if you obsess over your grades, chances are you also judge your friends by how high their GPAs are. If you have a friend who is constantly worrying about her appearance, you can deduce that her primary measuring stick is attractiveness. Most likely without meaning to, that friend then judges other people by their attractiveness. By “judging,” I mean ascribing worth or value.

https://me.me/

https://me.me/

These behaviors can wear on us. If someone close to you obsesses over their physique and level of fitness, it’s hard not to wonder how they view and judge your body too. I urge you to point our negative behaviors that you see in your friends and encourage them to be kinder to themselves. For example, I used to have a hard time taking compliments; I always felt like accepting them meant I was cocky. In response, I would make self-deprecating comments, finding faults in myself to counteract anything positive. Eventually, when I would make these comments one of my friends started scolding me, “Don’t be self-deprecating.” And it wasn’t a playful admonishment either. There was a bit of annoyance and a real sense of chastisement in her tone. I didn’t take offense. On the contrary, her criticism of my own self-criticism brought me to see my comments about myself in a more accurate light: not as politeness, but as an unhealthy habit. I learned to catch myself in those thought patterns, and I learned to accept compliments. And you know what? Compliments feel good! That’s how they’re supposed to feel!

So when you see your friend poking their stomach and saying they feel fat, ask them, “What’s something you like about your body?” When your friend does poorly on a test and says they are stupid, tell them, “You know, you’re really good at ______. Be an example; be gentle with yourself and gentle with your friends. Compliment them, and accept their compliments graciously too. If you admire something, say so. When you’re proud of them, show it. It’s often easier to hold on to the negatives, but you have the power to highlight the positives. If what Business Insider says is true—that you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with—then your positivity has the power to make them more positive. And in the end, that positive energy will feed you too.

 

https://www.theworkher.com

https://www.theworkher.com

By Sofia Lerner


Sofia Lerner is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is studying English as a senior at NYU. Passionate about literature, dance, and wellness, Sofia aspires to help the arts thrive and help others pursue healthy lifestyles. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services. 

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Importance of Friendship

Wednesday, July 19th, 2017
Image Credit: Caroline Flynn

Image Credit: Caroline Flynn

 

Last September when my friend Maghan walked into my new apartment for the first time, tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s so lonely,” she said, overwhelmed by the pure adultness of the empty white walls and Ikea furniture. Annoyed and uncomprehending, I pushed her through the remaining 24 feet of the apartment to the window where my bed sat. “It’s not lonely. It’s perfect. And look I even have a real New York City fire escape.”

Today though, I know what she means. Summer in New York is much different than the school year. The city itself seems to sweat on even the mildest of days, the streets are crawling with tourists who wander aimlessly into your path, and all traces of college life disappear. As I sit on my real New York City fire escape, the people below are unfamiliar and my thoughts drift to faces I do know, some who are in New York and some who are not, some who I’ve seen recently and some who I haven’t. Regardless of distance and time, real life isolates me on this fire escape and loneliness creeps in as jobs, bills, and adult responsibility seem to push everyone separate ways. I feel like it didn’t used to be this way. Summers between high school were filled with constant contact and group messages, day plans and night plans and weekend plans, part time jobs and the comfort of your family home at the end of the day. Maybe I wasn’t quite prepared to be one of 8.5 million people living and working in New York City this summer.

Academic and professor of linguistics Deborah Tannen says in her book You’re the Only One I Can Tell, “Knowing that somewhere in the world there is someone who cares what you wore, an insignificant detail of your life that would seem unimportant to anyone else, makes you feel more connected to that person and less alone in the world.” This small action of sharing is capable of piercing distance and time, wiping out loneliness, and reinstating the comfort of someone else’s joys and sorrows.

The other night, my best friend and I met up with a classmate we hadn’t seen since school got out in May. During the school year, the three of us talked often and saw each other daily in class, but it had been two months since we’d all been in the same room. The conversation that night was a breath of fresh air, air that you can’t get in a city sitting alone in your room. Air that might even be hard to find in the countryside. Each breath carried new laughter and love, new stories to be shared, new heartbreaks to be healed, new plans to be made as we all felt a sense of relief from the summer’s overbearing humidity. There is nothing better in the world than long conversations that flow endlessly and seamlessly. Even as we grow up, even as we drift apart, even as we get heavy work schedules and full time jobs, even as new people in our lives come and go, it will always be hard to feel completely alone if you can make the effort to keep up friendships and conversations.

A relationship that can withstand crowds of people, state or country borders, and days and weeks of not seeing each other is a strong one. Slowly I am learning that the bond is there even if they are physically not. So next time I find myself sitting on my fire escape, reminiscing the days when making friends was more important than making money and building my resume, I’ll remind myself that although there might be a thousand people between me and the next familiar face, the familiar face is the one that matters.


By Caroline Flynn

Caroline Flynn is a Sales and Publishing Intern at the Campus Clipper studying Theatre at NYU Tisch. Caroline is passionate about the arts and dedicated to using her voice to make other people smile. As she heads into her Junior year, she is excited to be writing about how relationships have shaped her life while she takes on summer in the city for the first time. Check out her Instagram for more witty and heartfelt content on her life. 

We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 


 

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Academic Relationships

Thursday, July 13th, 2017
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NYU Flag Outside of the Lipton Residential Hall

It's good to have friends to carry you through finals

It’s good to have friends to carry you through finals

            Beyond having a primary friend group, cultivating ancillary relationships is beneficial for one’s time in college and outside of it. Of large importance is the relationship one shares with peers and professors within shared academic contexts. From a networking standpoint, the connections made with professors and other students from one’s classes can hold professional significance in the future. From a more present-oriented perspective, those connections can be the difference between one doing poorly in their classes and one succeeding.

            Even though a student can be incredibly gifted academically, if they do not know how to be likeable in the eyes of their professors, then they may find that their classes are more difficult than they need to be and that their career prospects might be more restricted. The proverb, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar,” proves especially true regarding having healthy relationships with professors. I remember in my first semester at NYU having a professor whom I strongly disliked. The professor did not allow for open discussion, opting instead to filter every discussion through themselves and to disregard students with whom they disagreed. It seemed that they were also very openly critical in papers and class discussions about any student who questioned this system. Despite disliking that professor, I never made it readily apparent that I felt this way. By the end of the semester, the professor loved me because I showed them kindness and attentiveness, while other students had given up on the class.  This same professor told me that if I would ever need a letter of recommendation, I should not hesitate to ask. In this way, I made myself less of a target for harsh grading and allowed professor’s status to serve to my benefit. The same rule of kindness and attentiveness can apply to teachers one genuinely likes (most of my professors at NYU), the only difference being that the relationship in these cases is easier and more genuine. 

            As for peers, it is not necessary to be friends with them much outside of the academic context to still reap the benefits of an academic relationship. Sure, forming studying groups can be especially helpful for reviewing material and covering gaps in knowledge before exams, but there are greater benefits to having friends in class. For core classes, many students are not as interested in the subject matter as much as they will be when they take more self-directed, specialized courses later in their academic career. Core classes provide a helpful platform for students to network with students from a broader range of interests than specialized courses do, since every student usually must complete certain core requirements to complete their major. It is then possible under such circumstances that a student may find themselves in a class with both science and humanities majors. By forming symbiotic in-class relationships with other students possessing diverse interests, one may find connections that could inevitably benefit them outside of college, when their career could benefit from the help of someone from a different discipline entirely. For instance, a computer science major could benefit from the help of someone in finance when calculating the costs for a tech startup down the road. Who knows, some of the friends one may find in such classes could also develop into relationships beyond the academic sphere.

            For more specialized courses, one may use such courses as grounds for honing their craft with other like-minded individuals. In my case, I have been taking workshop classes in creative writing to enhance my poetry. In this environment, I have used classroom discussions as grounds to both learn how to enhance my art and provide new insight on the work of others. In the future, some of the people with whom I shared such classes could help me in developing and editing my future work. What’s more, those same people could become partners in collaborative artistic projects. Yet, if I never made the effort to reach out to my peers, I would not have the same opportunities that I have now.  

By Matthew Evert

Matthew Evert is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is studying English and Philosophy as a sophomore at NYU. Passionate about poetry, people, and adventure, Matthew aspires to live an explorative and artistic life. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services. 

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Finding Your People

Saturday, July 8th, 2017

 

My friend Paris and I chilling in my dorm after a photoshoot.

My friend Paris and I chilling in my dorm after a photoshoot.

College undoubtedly brings change. Life before college is largely different from life in higher education.  Post-secondary education brings a new set of challenges that provide opportunity for personal growth and emergence into the adult world. Though many challenges exist for the incoming college student, my primary focus is the examination of relationships in college, as I have a great deal of experience in this area. And while I cannot speak to the experiences of all students in college, I do know that my account of navigating relationships during my first year at NYU can provide useful reference for any college student.

Before I went to New York City for college, I lived in a place called Snellville, Georgia. Growing up in Georgia, I had a hard time finding friends with whom I could have meaningful conversations. Most of the friends I made in Georgia were formed more out of circumstance than choice, since I was more concerned about fitting in socially than finding friends that would help me develop as a person. As a result, I had a lot of different friends before college, but very few seemed to excite and invigorate in the way I desired.

By contrast, the friends I made after moving to New York City are some of the most interesting and special people I have met in my entire life. While they are all different from me in some ways, all my closest friends in New York City have a common passion for taking advantage of the opportunities life offers and an eagerness to delve beyond surface-level conversations. How did I find these people? I simply made the decision to choose my friends based on who excited me, as opposed to letting friendships develop merely out of coincidence. Whenever I met someone who excited me, I did everything in my power to develop a friendship with them.  Still, sometimes, the ones who excited me were also the ones who intimidated me. It took some courage to approach and pursue friendships with people who intimidated me, but the people who intimidated me were intimidating because they possessed something that I did not have or understand. To access the immense value of such people, I dedicated myself to not let fear get in the way of forming life-changing friendships.

To solidify the friendships I desired, I made sure to show a genuine interest in those whom I wanted to know more closely. I took time out of my schedule to adventure the city with newfound friends and let them know why they mattered to me. In doing so, I showed them why I should matter in their lives, as my investment in them indicated that I could be there in whatever supportive capacity they may need in the future. So, as I let new friends into my life, I spoke into their lives, representing my honest self, since I did not want to make friends with those who did not accept me for who I am.

To solidify such friendships, I had to make emotional room for my friends to influence my life. Indeed, it is quite a scary thing to be so emotionally vulnerable to other people.  In some cases, a few people with whom I shared my vulnerabilities used those vulnerabilities to hurt me later down the road.  However, such negative experiences should not dampen the pursuit of deep and honest communication with others. Rather, the negative experiences were a means to inform me of the signs that indicate a disloyal friend.

At the end of the day, I know that I’m not perfect. I need other people around me to open my eyes to different perspectives about the world, and my place in it. Every person is limited in their capacity to understand life. Yet, by sharing friendships with tremendous people, one can get a glimpse into a larger world of possibility and have support through times of hardship. After finding my closest friends, my squad, I noticed that an incredible burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Before finding my people, college frightened me. The start of college marked the first time in my life that I had to independently endure responsibility. After creating meaningful friendships though, I have taken immense comfort in knowing that I have a family in college with whom I can experience anything and find encouragement.

By Matthew Evert

Matthew Evert is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is studying English and Philosophy as a sophomore at NYU. Passionate about poetry, people, and adventure, Matthew aspires to live an explorative and artistic life. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services. 

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

 

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