Posts Tagged ‘Love Advice’

Philia

Monday, October 23rd, 2017
Courtesy: Independent

Courtesy: Independent

“I prayed for the city to be cleared of people, for the gift of being alone,  a-l-o-n-e: which is the one New Yorker prayer that rarely gets lost or delayed in channels, and in no time at all, everything I touched turned to solid loneliness.” J.D. Salinger

New York can be though on you but NYU could be a lot tougher. If you come from anywhere around Asia or the countryside, you would know that nosy neighbors are bats that gained bad reputation arising from the folklore that ties them to vampires and Dracula. In terms of usefulness, bats are prime agents of pollination and seed dispersal. Often devalued, most bats are not blood sucking creatures but a friend to the mankind: killing insects those of whom are threats.

Nosy neighbours are skilled at dispersing gossip. But drifting away from the reputation of gossipy housewives in their mid-forties, neighbors drop your kids, bring you food, help you when you are locked out or when you run out of sugar.

In New York, you don’t speak to your neighbors, it’s an unspoken ground rule that everyone seems to abide by. You don’t greet them. You don’t know them. It isn’t uncommon to live in your dorm room without speaking to your suite mates for days.

Elevators give you stress and phones without signals are awkward getaways. More than anywhere in the world, New York is where you most need a friend.

My classmate, Aerin Reed comes from a small town known as Eastern Connecticut where the only revolutionary thing that has happened in the last few years is the renovation of the Eastern Village Store. Moms and gossips and hitting deer accidentally are as much a part of her childhood vicinity as are bagels, frowns and subway horrors in New York.

“My town has a thousand people more than NYU’s graduating class,” Reed said while describing her transition from a traditional small town to the city that is overly crowded even on Sundays.

Unlike her friends and classmates, Reed never dreamed of studying in a traditional campus setting, which made NYU one of her first choices. “I remember walking down the road after welcome week and thinking I do not know anyone on the street,” quite unlike the million recognizable faces she would encounter while driving a car in the part of the world which she calls “home.”

At this exact moment what she would have missed is a friend. At this exact moment she needed the kind of love Greeks call “philia.”

Philia was first used by the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who defined it as brotherly love or love shared by friends. The English language does not have a separate word for what Aristotle believed to be unconditional and pure i.e. “with good reason,” so we shall do what we always do: follow the path lead by Greeks.

New York Times columnist Frank Bruni recently wrote a column titled, “The Real Campus Scourge,” which discusses the overwhelming theme of loneliness in a campus setting. “In a survey of nearly 28,000 students on 51 campuses by the American College Health Association last year, more than 60 percent said that they had “felt very lonely” in the previous 12 months. Nearly 30 percent said that they had felt that way in the previous two weeks,” he wrote. All these folks deprived of Philia.

In New York, everything is always on the extreme as is this feeling of loneliness. No amount of Rainbow themed Starbucks or insta worthy cookie doughs can fill the void that only friendship can fill. But my dearest, you are not alone in this. New York has that power over you but you have something that the city lacks: the option to halt, start over and rebuild.

Text your freshman year roommate.

Don’t let Netflix govern your life.

Talk to the person sitting right next to you, chances are she feels the same way.

Log off Instagram.

Remember, loneliness is a feeling that is temporary. It is not a lifestyle.

Don’t just make acquaintances. Get to know them. Turn them into your friends.

Most of all, remember to let go of whatever is holding you back: fear, shyness, insecurity, rationale, over possessive boyfriend and then you will learn to live. You need a friend and so does the person next to you. All you have to do is smile.

By Sushmita Roy

Sushmita Roy is a Campus Clipper intern and a junior at NYU majoring in Journalism and Psychology. Her research interests includes immigration, human interest stories and social psychology. When she’s not studying, Sushmita enjoys catching up with friends, binge watching TV shows and cooking for anyone and everyone. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books; we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings. 

 

 

Share

Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name?

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Photo thanks to Ajaytheonly.blogspot.com

The French expression for falling in love translates to “falling into apples,” which I correlate to sweet, but painful. Dropping the “L” bomb is a bit of a sticky situation. There are the blurters, the stagers, the first daters, the long termers, the constant reminders, the special occasioners, the whisperers, the shout it from the roof topers, whatever you’re style, the tricky part is figuring out whether your beau shares your sentiments or not. If one of you feels it first, it’s not the end of the world, nor is it necessarily the end of the relationship, but if you have to get it out there here are some pointers for not overwhelming (or underwhelming) your significant other.

You’re Ready, They’re Not: You’re most likely in a terrified state, with a candy coat of bubbling excitement. Hold onto that, don’t let it fester and rot the roots of your courtship. If you’re certain that your beau isn’t in the same place, feel them out a bit. If you’ve been dating for more than four months, and they’re still a bit frigid toward the idea of professing statements of affection, it’s okay to say it as long as you preface the statement with something along the lines of, “You don’t have to say it back, I just need to tell you how I feel.” This will give them the out, relieving a little pressure. A wedge can be stuffed between you if you push the idea too much. I know, it’s taxing, but if you care about the person (well, you say you love them) you should be considerate of where they are in the relationship. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Maybe they need more time to get there, they mean serious business when they say it, or maybe they’ve been badly burned in the past. Sometimes the people who are reluctant to love are so because of a painful past.  Give them time. Don’t use breaking up as an ultimatum, because then you’re pushing them to leave you when they want to stay, or they’re saying something they don’t mean because they’re afraid to lose you. Granted, losing you may snap them into realizing something, but that’s not fair, that’s making the relationship a game.

Signs They’re Not Ready: You gaze at them lovingly, they look away. You make plans for the future; they make plans for dinner instead. Holding hands, even when you’re alone is a no-no. If you’re not in bed, there’s no affection. Take these as subtle hits, and to use the oh-so-popular phrase: maybe they’re just not that into you.

Signs They’re Ready: Take the situations above and reverse them.

They Said It, You Didn’t: You haven’t been together that long, this is your first date, or you’re just not feeling it, but you’re happy in the relationship so far. The first point should be that if you’re just in it to be in a relationship (you know who you are), that’s fine, but when the other person is serious about a long term commitment and you’re not, you need to let them know. It won’t get better, they won’t learn to feel less or make it more casual. Once they have the heart throb, it’s only going to end in pain, so don’t augment this by dangling a carrot in front of them. Remind them of how wonderful they are, how undeserving you are, and break it off nice and clean.

If you think that you may feel this way, just not yet, explain this to them. You can do this without being harsh. Explain your sentiments, but don’t give reasons for why you don’t love them yet. This can be used against you for the entirety of your relationship. Every fight will be about this, even if it’s masked as something else.

First Times That Don’t Count:

– After being intimate, during, or before. After you’ve already said it, go ahead and shout it at the top of your lungs (or whisper loudly if you have roommates), but don’t say it for the first time in while snuggling with your honey. 

– As a form of apology. If you’re in the middle of a fight, unless it’s due to a romantic comedy-esque misunderstanding, this kills the sentiment. If you did something to cause pain, grief, or anger, don’t pull the L-card to get yourself out of the dog house. This taints it, makes it jaded.

Saying it: Think about it this way: after the excitement, shock, what have you, of the sacred words, they’re going to tell their friends, especially the ladies. Do you really want them to have to explain that you said it to get out of trouble, or in an inappropriate moment? My personal recommendation is to say it when you feel it. It will mean that much more if you’re in the moment, not in some rehearsed set up. Sure, flowers and violins are nice, but they amp up the anxiety and create a sensation of false sentiments. This isn’t Hollywood. If you’re brushing you’re teeth together one morning, or they pick up a treat for you just because, and you feel a rushing sensation, tell them. You can tell when someone really means it when they’re in the moment.

Alternatives to Love: Neither of you is ready for the commitment that accompanies saying I love you, but you still have strong feelings for one another. Use these carefully, as they can irritate if the other person has said I Love You and you respond with a luke warm declaration.

-I adore you (see Stranger Than Fiction)

-I covet you

-You’re my happy thought

– I’m crazy about you

– I think you’re the greatest thing since the wheel (make up your own)

– I’m so glad you exist

Love is a wonderful thing, and once you get the words out you can say it almost whenever you want. There is also a sweetness to the period before you express this, a time when the tension of affection, of the unsaid words, is palpable and being together creates an electrical charge of potential energy. Savor the beginning, people, don’t push it. You’ll get to the next stage, but remember that you’ll never have a beginning with this person again, so quit chomping at the bit. If you’re going to say it, think carefully and tread cautiously.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

See my blog:  amteal.tumblr.com or twitter @amteal

Blow off some pent up emotions at Synergy

Get great more Student Discounts!

Download our NEW App on iTunes!
Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on twitter!

Don’t forget to sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter for student promotions and coupons and download the coupon booklet NOW

Share