Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

The Relationship We Have With Ourselves DOES Impact That Which We Have With Others

Thursday, May 4th, 2017

“you must enter a relationship

with yourself

before anyone else”

-Rupi Kaur

Image Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/feeling-empty-quotes/

Image Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/feeling-empty-quotes/

I’ve been talking about self-love for a couple months now and of course, I truly believe that self-love is an important concept for everyone to embody to the best of their ability. That said, there isn’t much questioning the fact that women and girls are often the ones who struggle most with self-esteem issues. Yes, everyone is vulnerable to such challenges. However, I think it’s a wider issue for women. We’ve all grown up hearing that it’s so important for women to nix the low self-esteem that they often seem to feel and learn to really love themselves, from their minds to their bodies. Basically, these ideas are no secret.

But of course, poor self-esteem and lack of self-love don’t only effect the individual (man or woman). Our relationships-professional, friendly, and romantic- are all impacted by the way we feel about ourselves. Huffington Post reports of 2013 a study that found that our self-esteem influences our relationship satisfaction and that of the person we are in that relationship with. This is because a constant lack of self-worth and self-love can eventually work its way into how we interact with others. Again, the same aforementioned study explains how this effect is consistent among genders. However, it’s also important to point out that it is also consistent across ages and relationships of all different lengths!

Image Credit: http://soultraveler.co/blog/featured-on-huffpost/

Image Credit: http://soultraveler.co/blog/featured-on-huffpost/

One of the biggest ways to start addressing these insecurities affecting our relationships is to really try increasing our self-compassion and self-care. While I’ve been talking about self-love, I think the mention of self-compassion is simply genius.

Compassion is defined by Merriam-Webster as the sympathetic consciousness of other’s distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Now, take that definition, flip it around, and apply it to yourself. What happens when we do this, when we have compassion for ourselves, is incredible. Forgive yourself and be consciously sympathetic toward your flaws. Understand that it’s okay, in fact magical, to have imperfections of all sorts. It’s okay to not look like the most popular supermodel, it’s okay if your family is different than someone else’s, it’s okay if your skin isn’t perfect, or if you’re an introvert instead of the class clown. When you hope to accomplish something and fail to reach your goal it is easy to be hard on yourself. When this happens it is crucial to show yourself some compassion. It is also important to keep in mind that the way we perform at any given time does not directly define who we are or what our worth is. When we realize that all of this is okay and even good, we can allow ourselves to love who we are as is.

As far as self-care, I think this is something I’ve written about previously a bit more. When we care for our minds and bodies by relaxing, eating right, exercising and more, we will simultaneously feel better-it just happens!

Here are 3 quick things you can do to develop your self-love and be sure to keep it at the forefront of your relationships:

Image Credi:

Image Credit: http://www.englishinrosario.com/noticias/3-tips-to-polish-your-writing/

  1. Be sure to keep your space- remember that even when you are in a relationship with someone else it is important for both of you to regularly take time to yourselves as well. Doing this will allow you some peace of mind and help you remember to care for YOU. Also, it will make you appreciate the time that you are together that much more!
  2. Remember, in the words of John Mayer, love is a verb- this goes both ways. In the same way that it is more important to actively show those that you care about how much you love them than to simply tell them, it is important to choose to actively love yourself. Even if you don’t easily feel a strong sense of self-love, act in a self-loving way and eventually you’ll believe it. Mind over matter.
  3. Find out what your partner loves about you, and love it too- Take everything that your partner is always saying they love about you, or simply ask them straight up what they love, and start loving it too! Of course, this can be easier said than done, but it can be incredibly fulfilling. This can be rewarding when practiced with your romantic partner, friends, and family! It also works both ways…tell the people you care about what you love about them and help them love themselves, too!

I hope that some of this is truly at least a bit eye-opening for you. Hopefully you will be more conscious in your relationships and treat yourself better. It will help those that you care about as well! Take the three key tips above and own self-love in your relationships!

By Chanelle Surphlis


Chanelle Surphlis is a Campus Clipper publishing intern, who is graduating from FIT this May. Passionate about giving back and pursuing volunteer opportunities, Chanelle aspires to work for a fashion or beauty company that includes philanthropy in its core values. If you like Chanelle’s writing, check out her blogs here and here. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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The History Behind Self-Love

Tuesday, February 28th, 2017

love of self.

you belong to you

sometimes your soulmate

is yourself

and everything

you’ve been searching for

can be found

deep within your soul”

- R.H. Sin

 

Image Credit: http://life-happens.co.uk/self-love-podcast/

Image Credit: http://life-happens.co.uk/self-love-podcast/

It’s February, and love is in the air, but often times what people forget or completely overlook, is the idea of self-love and how important it is to love ourselves. Each one of us has something unique within us, something that is not to be wasted and without utilizing those unique and special qualities that make us individuals, we are, in fact, doing those around us a disservice. Maybe you’ve heard this before, but truly believing it and feeling it is crucial to our well-being.

The journey of self-love is one that has always sat in the back of my mind, but it has more recently come to the forefront to play a large role in my life. I was raised to be strong and independent, to work hard to achieve my goals and to obtain a life where I don’t have to, or even want to, rely on anyone else for anything, whether it be physical or emotional. This ideal has always played a huge part in my life, and it is probably why the ease of falling in love caught me off guard, yet why I also made decisions that were best for me even when I was in a relationship that I thought was bulletproof. Maybe this is a bit of an oxymoron, but I was so invested in my relationship, while also focusing on my own agenda, such as: doing well in school, studying abroad, and planning my upcoming job search and career. Naturally, when my three-year relationship came to an end against my will four months ago, I was at a complete loss.

I realized that while I always had the mentality of an independent, Chanelle and not Chanelle and her significant other, and that I could do anything I set my mind to, I had to actually feel this independence again and move forward as the dynamic of my life, my daily routine and emotional state, all changed. This felt like the most difficult obstacle I had ever needed to overcome, but it didn’t take me too long to realize that I am an array of amazing qualities and I do not need to be accepted or loved by anyone who does not appreciate all of the amazing elements that make me who I am. And the same goes for you.

Nathaniel Branden Image Credit: http://mylifebook.com/blog/dr-nathaniel-branden-explores-romantic-love-and-effective-communication/

Nathaniel Branden
Image Credit: http://mylifebook.com/blog/dr-nathaniel-branden-explores-romantic-love-and-effective-communication/

So began my true journey of self-love. As a term, “self-esteem” was first introduced by William James in 1890. It is one of the oldest concepts in psychology. I personally identify more with Nathaniel Branden’s definition from 1969, stating that self-esteem is a relationship between one’s competence and one’s worthiness. Branden is considered the father of the self-esteem movement, and this definition sees self-esteem as the result of dealing with challenges of living in a worthy or respectable way and doing so consistently over time. There is no doubt in my mind that self-esteem and self-love go hand-in-hand and together take a journey to achieve. It is here where I find myself today, in the early stages of a, what I presume to be life-long, journey toward increasingly powerful self-love. The self-esteem movement really began in the 1960’s, when self-esteem first became an attractive and influential idea. 

Taking a look at Psychology Today, you’ll find that self-love is appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It is dynamic, and it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand our self-love, we begin to accept our weaknesses and our strengths, we have less need to explain our shortcomings, we have compassion for ourselves, we are more centered in our life purpose and values, and we expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

It is important to understand that you cannot obtain self-love from an outside source. Self-love must be obtained by you and for you. Again, we often turn to outside sources for encouragement, reassurance, or a confidence boost, but we need to find our own reasons within ourselves to feel encouraged, reassured, and confident. Also, understand that you will not reach a full state of self-love overnight. Self-love takes time, so be patient with yourself as you walk through this journey. Understand that everyone is capable of obtaining a state of self-love, as long as they put forth the effort and give it time. Join me on this journey and together we will begin to truly seek a state of love for ourselves.

By Chanelle Surphlis


Chanelle Surphlis is a Campus Clipper publishing intern, who is graduating from FIT this May. Passionate about giving back and pursuing volunteer opportunities, Chanelle aspires to work for a fashion or beauty company that includes philanthropy in its core values. If you like Chanelle’s writing, check out her blogs here and here. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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