Posts Tagged ‘tinder’

Philautia

Saturday, November 11th, 2017
Courtesy: Sublime360

Courtesy: Sublime360

I have often been told that I don’t love myself enough to walk away from things that generate negativity: things meaning people – people mostly harmful to my mental health. Seldom do advisors forget the phrase, “Love yourself.” But how does one love herself when she is repeatedly being told to love others and be respectful of them as soon as she walks on two feet instead of four. Her first teenage heartbreak and she suddenly hears the phrase, “fall in love with yourself first,” the same one in different voices.

Falling in love with oneself isn’t easy. You know your own flaws and imperfections and to give a damaged human being that kind of unconditional love requires a lot of patience and dedication; it requires trust.

We often don’t trust ourselves with a lot of things. I don’t trust that I can ever get an A in my statistics class. I think I am incapable of achieving that score. And if I think I am incapable, I will never be capable. I don’t necessarily trust myself to be the most satisfied human being and hence I will simply never be one.

There is no hard learned formula for falling in love, sometimes you might not even realize but you may have fallen head over heels with someone already. But falling in love with yourself requires a guidebook; a guidebook with one simple rule that quite bluntly states, “In order to love yourself, you must behave in ways that you admire (Irving Yalom).”

Courtesy: Tiny Buddha

Courtesy: Tiny Buddha

 

 

Everyone visualises an ideal self and the closer you are to your ideal self, the more likely you are to appreciate yourself. My ideal self is an extremely selfless human being: a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 but I might only be 7 as of yet. And in order for me to love myself in the purest form, I have to strive to be the 10.

Everywhere everyone around you is searching for this ideal self, not in themselves but in others. Often when we don’t love ourselves enough, we go looking for someone else to love us and show us our best selves. Often we come across people hoping they would fill up the void in our lives. And this very void that we are so desperate to fill, makes us feel vulnerable and naked.

Love for me is beyond any measure of lust or beauty. Love is what comforts you just by the thought of it. There is love in friendship and there is love in honesty. However, the brutality of love is that it ruins you. But philautia (self love) unlike any other kind of love, always uplifts you.

I have loved and lost. And I feel so scared that I’m never going to feel that way again. I am relentlessly looking for love while I’m also subconsciously waiting for it to knock on my door as a surprise.

But instead of waiting in distress, it is time I provide myself with what I am desperately searching for.

As college students we almost always fall prey to conversations that involve the “other kids” talking about the “other kids” they are dating. You suddenly become the “other” when you feel alienated. You suddenly become the “other” when everyone around you is either falling in or out of love. The college environment exerts a certain pressure on you where you feel compelled to give in to what everyone else seems to be doing. If anything, you resort to Tinder or Bumble.

So stop dating that guy who abused you. Stop looking for love on websites where commitment phobics look for hook up buddies. Stop hanging around with someone who makes you his side chick.

Identify the things you love about him. List it on a sticky note. Hang it on your mirror. This will remind you that these are the qualities you adore. These are the things that you should train yourself to excel in.

When you stop looking for them in others, you will start looking for them inside you. There is no harm in being old school and waiting for love to come to you instead of trying to find it at a bar or club. Halt. Don’t rush.

We have a long way to go, many paths of life are yet to be discovered so live on with the hope of every path taking you to a better destination each time. We have big dreams, big enough to scare us. But only with belief and trust, will these dreams become realities.

 

By Sushmita Roy

Sushmita Roy is a Campus Clipper intern and a junior at NYU majoring in Journalism and Psychology. Her research interests includes immigration, human interest stories and social psychology. When she’s not studying, Sushmita enjoys catching up with friends, binge watching TV shows and cooking for anyone and everyone. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books; we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings. 

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College Hookup Culture

Thursday, July 13th, 2017

   

My Profile Picture on Tinder for a Small While

My Profile Picture on Tinder for a Small While

    College hookup culture is weird, sometimes rewarding, and occasionally sketchy. Generally speaking, hookups for single people develop in two primary ways: either through a platform for meeting other single people or through circumstance. In terms of platforms, I speak digitally of apps like Tinder and non-digitally of the bar, club, and party scenes. Of course, a great many people who use these platforms are not looking for prospective romantic escapades. However, a great many also use these platforms in order to have hookups or long-term relationships. And then, there are people like me who unwittingly fall victim to “dating” platforms and/or circumstance. In any case, I will avoid speaking on this topic too specifically, rather opting to speak in broader terms, as this is a vast and personal subject.

    Since move-in day of college, I developed a number of casual relationships with people I knew circumstantially. Whether these were people from my hall or a shared class or whatever else is of no real importance. Instead, what is important is that I had non-committal relations with people whom I could not avoid once one of us had chosen to discontinue the relations. I did not realize the degree of obsession that was brought out in some people with whom I stopped hooking up. While in certain cases, casual relationships ended calmly, I have had my fair share of being yelled at and pleaded with by past partners. The valuable lesson I took out of these experiences was that if I did not see potential for transforming a non-committed relationship into a committed one, then I should not have entered the relationship from the start. It appeared that most of my hookups were vacuous and led to more awkward headaches then they were worth.

    Then there was going to bars, clubs, and parties whereupon many people I know found romantic interests and one-time hookups. Since I can only point to a few occasions of romantic encounters out of personal experience, I instead will explain the experiences of people I know who are more well-versed in this culture. For instance, I have one friend who would bar hop until they found someone who would be interested in a one-night frolic and then would never contact them again. Unlike me, this friend is completely content with this type of love life since they are comfortable in this mode of romance. Still, I have another friend who gave up dating entirely after becoming so disenchanted with the emotional volatility of the relationships he formed with people he met at parties and clubs. It is hard to tell if one should participate in hookup culture, as the results of college hookup culture are often unexpected. Finding out whether hookup culture is worth it often comes down to discovering personal preferences via trial and error.

    As for Tinder, I made an account for networking with photographers but soon became interested in its dating potential after finding that Tinder eliminates many of the problems I had with running into spurned lovers and provides clarity as to the motivations of its users. To even use Tinder in the first place is most likely an indication that an individual is seeking a romantic relationship, whether it be serious or not serious. Plus, it was quite easy to manufacture an appealing way of constructing the aesthetic of my Tinder profile and messaging other users. Beyond that, dating through Tinder is pretty similar to other forms of dating, except that Tinder dates are typically being more straightforward than other types. Quite truthfully, after a while, Tinder became vacuous too. After a certain point, I had too many bizarre dates with bizarre people to the point where I wanted something more long-term. That is when I found my girlfriend on Tinder. And I have been happily committed ever since. Funny enough, even though I have discontinued my personal use of Tinder, I advise a good many friends on how to construct stellar Tinder profiles.

By Matthew Evert

Matthew Evert is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is studying English and Philosophy as a sophomore at NYU. Passionate about poetry, people, and adventure, Matthew aspires to live an explorative and artistic life. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services. 

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.  

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